Disney's Magical Money-Making Adventure: Where Dreams Come True (If You Can Afford Them)

Disney's Magical Money-Making Adventure: Where Dreams Come True (If You Can Afford Them)

In a dazzling display of financial wizardry, Disney announced its latest attraction: "Empty Wallet Mountain." This thrilling ride takes guests on a journey through their bank accounts, watching their savings disappear faster than Cinderella's carriage at midnight.

"We're bringing the magic of debt to every family," chirped Mickey Mouse, adjusting his new diamond-encrusted ears. "It's like our old slogan says: 'The happiest place on Earth... for our shareholders!'"

To combat falling attendance, Disney unveiled its groundbreaking "Pay-Per-Smile" technology. Guests now only fork over cash when they're actually enjoying themselves. "We expect to break even by 2073," quipped Goofy, the new Chief Financial Officer.

The company also introduced "Inflation Land," where $20 buys you a picture of a churro. "It's all about the experience," explained Donald Duck, trying not to choke on his gold-plated popcorn.

As families nationwide break open piggy banks and sell kidneys to afford their next Disney vacation, the company remains optimistic. "Remember," winked Tinker Bell, sprinkling price hike dust, "All it takes is faith, trust, and a pixie-dusted platinum credit card!"